Change

It doesn't happen all at once.
It occurs gradually over time, but it does not flow like many think.

It takes choosing to change, every single day.

It's not an all of a sudden, BAM WAM ALAKAZAM, and walla!
You're a different person!

No.
It's a lot like pick-axing the dirt every day to level out your field so it is sturdy enough to build a house on top of it.
You have to make a choice every day to wake-up, pick up that pick-axe and work your little heart away at it, because in the end, you know it'll be worth every drop of sweat, every tear stain, every cry of plea that all you want to do is just give up; but you don't.
Then you get up the next morning and push through all of it all over again, because that's how you reach your end goal, that's the journey, that's where you learn who you are.

I choose, every day, to be different than who I was yesterday, even by the smallest of fractions.
And even though I've lost my way countless of times and I've gone on side-tracks and side-roads; I always end up right back here. In my little field of growth. Where the garden blooms so wildly and the weeds have started to strangle my beautiful flowers.
I'm back here, weeding, pick-axing, shoveling, carrying, painting, because this place, my place, deserves my attention.

Hopefully I can stay here for a little while more.
I really do like it here :)

So here's to me, and any one else reading this blog, it's time to go and pick-up your weapon of choice. Whether it be a shovel, a pick-axe, or your own bare hands, go ahead and level out your field, and bravely, pain-stakingly, with all of the might you can muster up, build your palace.

Create your own haven, where you are proud of every every knook and cranny, because you faught for it.

You deserve it.

My childhood favourite and forever my choice book:
"The Lost Flower Children" by Janet Taylor Lisle

"There is a girl who still writes you. She doesn't know how not to." - Sarah Kay

That girl, she spent two years chasing you.
She spent them spinning in dizzy circles of highs and lows,
she never knew what solid ground felt like until you were no longer there.
It may have took her two years,
But she's okay now.


Really, and truely, she's okay.

Her bones are no longer broken from the fall,
They have healed with time.

She finally learnt how to live without you,
She reached a clarity that fuzzes less and less everytime she sees you again.
Your hold over her is no longer complete.
It is broken and shattered, and she is free now.

Free to learn a new love from someone who loves her willingly


He doesn't need any forcing
He prefers to be face-to-face instead of over text
He makes time for her, which you never did
He makes room for her in his world


You never did any of this for her

There is no absolute promise,
In the future she may write you more letters that she'll never give you.
But right now, right now she doesn't write them
because she realised, you don't deserve her precious ink droplets anymore

So good bye, she whispers into the dark to you.
Goodbye my love

The winds do not lift her high into the air anymore
No, now she glides along the ground
And there she'll wander, until a new gust is found

Goodbye my love,

Goodbye.

Poetry

Short stories

Novels

Paintings

Movies

Photography



I forgot how much I loved these.



I'll always know my love for soccer,

My love for music;

But I had forgotten about my love for the other arts.

The ones that captivate me and leave me breathless.

And with-in only seconds, I'm lost in them.

Swirling around in happiness and bubblying over in wonder,

I'm struck in awe by my own rearing joy.

And then with-in moments, I lose them.

Left to sit and wait for a seemingly endless time for them to arise once more.



They're a lot like you, really.



"There is a girl who still writes you. She doesn't know how not to." - Sarah Kay

I'm awake

I don't want to sleep

I don't want to study now

I want to lay here

I don't want to think

I dont want to pine for more

I want to lay here

'til the sun rises

and the next moon fades to light

I want to lay here

For all that it's worth, is it worth it?

I fell for a spinning out of control hurricane.
That literally swept me off my feet,
spun me around, and then threw me to the ground.
You were so sudden and swift
With no care and a love to jist.

You were sweet, kind, endearing, loving, handsome,
All the parts that a girl wishes for

But still I stumble.
Still I crumble,

To pieces of glass every time someone asks
"How are you two? Do you like him? How are you?"

We're rocky, I'm selfishly indecisive, and I'm broken.

I need to remember I do not love him, I do not even like him. It's true.
I WANT to love him, even like him would be pleasant.
But I don't, I just don't.

I yearn for a love that's more than just touch
I want one of sight, sound, smell, taste, then touch.
One of deep friendship and long love
Not one of just physical shove.

I want the love of my bestfriend.
I'm so sorry, but I can no longer pretend.

Because I do care about you,
Enough to no longer be selfish with you.
To let you go, and live a full life without me.
The only place you'll ever find true happiness.

I must let you go,

I must.

I must.

So why can I not utter those ending words to you?
Stuck on the tip of my tongue as your eyes meet mine and our bodies intertwine.
Why do I keep doing this?

Selfish.
Selfish witch I am.

I'm so sorry my love.
My darling love, I'm so sorry.

We're in a rut,
and my goodbye is stuck.