I feel... different.
Nicaragua did change me, but for the better I think.
I feel older. More aware of my surroundings and of how my actions will affect people.
I just feel so, weird.
I know that I'm not describing this very well at all but I'm positive that what I was looking for, I found while I was in Nicaragua.
I realised I was looking for many different things going there, and I think I found almost all of them. I won't tell you all of them because that would be too much to write out in one sitting, but maybe another day :p
One thing that I found was a group of people who are now like my second family. They all accepted me for me, they even found my annoying childish habits funny and not annoying which I always think they are :p I felt like the little sister of the bunch and I felt really cared for and looked after while I was there. I love my SOS family.
I miss Nicaragua so bad.
I feel so out of place here at home now. I feel like I don't belong here in Nanaimo anymore. I belong digging in the dirt and playing baseball in Las Escalares, playing with the kids after work every night and on our breaks during the day, singing with Tim and his guitar every night. Learning/playing new card games every day. I miss waking up every morning surrounded by my new family and looking out the window awestruck every morning by the gorgeous view.
I miss it all.
I even miss my annoying bug net that came up from under me every night while I was sleeping and the squished beetles I would find in my runners after I took my feet out of them haha. I miss the dogs/out of tune roosters waking me up every night between 1-4am and laughing everytime I heard Chris or Tim try to shush them. I miss not worrying about wearing make-up or what clothes to wear. I miss shoveling dirt all day, carrying boulders/rocks on my shoulders, going for walks up the mountain with our kid guides edwin and harrison, pick-axing to level the ground out, mixing cement that felt like it was a the biggest race ever and competing with the over flow when the water broke the barrier, putting on sunscreen in the afternoon and realising that all I'm doing is just mixing around the dirt on my arms hahaha, playing with little Johanna and Edwin every day (I love those kids so much), having a freezing cold shower every day where I would take a minute and look back on the day and realise just how completely happy and at peace I was. I've never been that happy in my entire life. I can't even explain it! I just felt to so calm, and peaceful and happy and just so... agh I wish my vocabulary was better because I just can't describe the feeling properly!
(Yes, yes that was the longest run on sentence in the history of ever. No, no I am not going to go and edit it. muhahaha)
I feel so out of place here in nanaimo. It's probably just the culture shock of coming back home but... I definitely left a little part of me back in Nicaragua the day I left. I
need to go back to that community next year. I can't imagine going ovcr a year without seeing the entire community again, without seeing raphael, carlos, edwin, johanna, havier, harrison, allison, gloria, and christina ever again. I just... I can't. I need to go back. I need to go help them more. In any way that I can.
Maybe eventually I will feel normal back at home again, but I don't even want that at this point. I like who I was in Nicaragua and I'm okay with feeling out of place in Nanaimo for the rest of my life if it means I still get to keep that part of me.
Here are some pictures that the founder of SOS, Greg Overholt, took of me and my other SOS members on the very last day of being in Nicaragua:
This is the TV show picture esque shot that included our fellow workers from the community. Greg took this picture of all of us at like 6am at our work site haha
This is my SOS family :) Love each and every single one of you!
This is our jumping picture that took forever to get a decent one hahaha
This is me saying my goodbyes to Edwin, my little mono. I'm going to miss him so much :(
This is me holding on to mono's little sister johanna (pronounced yohanna) for dear life and her not letting go either. I didn't want to let her go! I love and miss her so much.
This is my SOS and house family in a combined picture :)
This is us and some of the community kids on the work site
This is a picture of us with basically as much of the community as we could fit into with one shot haha
This has been the most amazing experience of my life.
I miss everything about it already, yes I even miss the bugs.
The most important thing that I've noticed is that I no longer feel lost in life anymore.
I feel very, very found. :)
